華哥旅遊與生活真面目筆記

 最近工作不順，翻翻以前履歷表看看，這是我的英文自傳，提供給朋友參考，請指教。

Autobiograph 

I am the youngest child in my family, including my parents, two sisters, and one brother. Growing up in the countryside, I’ve experienced the different life-style from that of urbanized youngsters. Therefore, since coming to Taipei to study at university, I have been starting to try my best getting used to any interpersonal relationship in the city. With that, I’ve learned the different thoughts resulted from the different living background. However, I still stick to some cultures that I am not willing to abandon at all. Sometimes, I insist on what I think about some traditional issues, on the other hand, I am after where the updated trends go.

After starting my career, I have realized the importance of advanced studies in the era of constantly changing, and that only accumulation of work experience is never enough and also passive in terms of updating and upgrade the must-have knowledge. For the sake of self-investment, I myself have taken some courses including project/administration management, business/marketing planning, and advertising. By those courses, hope that I will not only reinforce capability myself, but stimulate the directions of my thoughts to many issues with the crucial knowledge, especially in the aspects of strategy and planning.

In the beginning of my career, I have taken care of information-search database and library automation system. As a sales and marketing specialist, I have dealt with something like product promotion, customer service and training, project bidding and negotiation, and seminar and launch arrangement. Besides, I have assigned to visit Virginia, the USA and Bangkok, Thailand to attend seminars and training courses of sales and marketing for some products.

2001年寫的,現在看覺得很爛

        As you know, every language is full of flexibility, like I combine Taiwan with English as "Taiwanglish". I beleve it is original and creative. On the other hand, who could say the Taiwanglish is wrong, people can use only Tinglish? I don’t think so.

        Actually, there are a lot words combined with two words, for instance, smog, fugly, Leeconomy(李登輝經濟). They are also created by someone, and then many people use them. Meanwhile, in my opinion, most words combine prefix and suffix. They are also a combination of several words even though most people consider them single words. Anyway I'm just trying to say that I creat this word, but I don't give this word any meanings. It depends on what you define.

        It is something like 台灣英語或台式英語,或者一種小吃(漢堡中間夾焢肉及酸菜, 或者刈包皮中間加起司及漢堡肉),或是只是一個社團的名字,許多公司行號的名稱不是都是自創的嗎.

        Then I got to mention that there are many styles of English such as British, American, and other extension ones including Australian, Singapore, and Philippines, they exist in different expression ways. Nobody can proclaim that their English is 100% correct, even for people who speak British English. Why can't we just create our own one, adding some Chinese/Taiwanese elements into it, it's probably more interesting. Perhaps, someday we will be developing special and local style English. Why not?

        I am "Selling monograph in front of Confucius." However, I have to express my idea to everyone if they visit this column. Thanks a lot.

        我用我半調子但聲音很大的英文，騙吃騙喝了四年，我足足當了四年的國外業務，雖然是個半調子，但是一旦是和老外閒聊打屁，我可是輕鬆自如哦，因為我不只講中文時愛搞笑，講英文時一樣愛搞笑，我曾經用英文逗樂過不少英文老師，簡單來講就是把中文的冷笑話翻成英文。要講政治我也能講，要講文化我也能講，憑藉的是有點「看不起老外」的心態，雖然不是真的那麼看不起，只不過是將心態調整為盡我所能的講，然後「聽沒有，死好」，老外有啥了不起，懂得又沒有我多。

        在求學階段，我常有「懶惰是讓一個人變聰明的原動力」的想法，所以許多事，我總是思考有沒有事半功倍的方法，尤其念歷史或地理時，常常思考怎麼樣才能夠一勞永逸，在念某個章節或片段時，我總是得想出一個能夠記得久的方法，通常我思考方法的時間比我真正埋首苦唸的時間要多上好幾倍，我把同樣的精神發揮在學英文上面。

          其實我對「學英文」的字眼是有意見的，因為我認為語言是拿來用的，不是拿來學的，可是很多人卻只學不用，或學了不會用，或學了無處可用，若「不用」,學了也沒「用」，君不見英文補習班林立，可是許多人花了錢學了英文，卻還是派不上用場，或無法被派上場，原因就在於「不用」，很多人覺得沒地方用，其實課堂上不就是用英文最好的時機嗎?不就是跟老外最接近的時機嗎?大多數人的心態就是抱持著去「學英文」的心態，而忽略了利用課堂來「練習」的這個層次，如果你有心去上英文課，那麼建議你調整一下，以「用英文」或「練習英文」的心態去上課，而不是以「學英文」的心態來上課，因為其實你已經學了十幾年的英文， 雖然我們學校英文教育的品質不怎樣，雖然我發現許多國中英文老師的英文程度，令人不忍回想，有很多都是錯教誤學，誤人子弟的，就像你除了聽老師念過課文之外，沒有聽過他們講過一句英文，事實上用「全中文」教英文就是一件世紀大錯誤。但是你畢竟知道了不少的單字，何不就用這些單字來練習呢?

        我在第一份工作離職之後，為了想加強自己的英文能力，報名了位於台大校園內的語言訓練測驗中心的英文課，我當時就是以想要事半功倍的效果來上這個課， 所以我當時的心態就是去「用英文」或者說是去「練習英文」。如果說只是純然地想要「學英文」，事實上真的就不用花大錢上課，買幾本書來唸其實就可以了， 不管怎樣，把「學」擺在重心，其實效果都不大，不管你是上課或自修。

        在課堂上，我常趁機會發問，即使我己經知道了問題的答案，我還是提問，目的無非就是「練習」講英文，不只是發問，跟老師哈啦也是一個很不錯的方式，比如有一次，一個英文老師，和他女朋友租房子在松山機場附近，我開他玩笑說「You will have many kids」，他老兄丈二金鋼，摸不著頭緒，我講「Because there are so many airplanes flying at night time, they make a lot of noise and wake you up all the time. And you and your wife have nothing to do, so…」，或者我們曾經在課堂上談到關於台灣的水果很有名，我聯想到當時在時代解讀雜誌上，看到有關用動物的基因可以結合植物的基因，種出長的像植物的動物，或者在動物身上也可以種植植物，我是這麼說的：「Do you know genetic creatures? Now I am teaching you a good way to eat Taiwanese fruit all the time. You can implant fruit gene into your body, and then they will become fruit like apple or something, so you can eat apples or something anytime you want to eat. As I know, there are so many men grow mango on their bodies, but I don’t know why.」當時老師也不曉得我指的是什麼。當時我也不知如何解釋，因為這牽涉到某些英文名詞及台灣話，同學們笑一笑冷一冷就好了，老外「聽沒有，死好」。

        曾經在一次面試的場合，遇到了一位面試主管，他並沒有測試我的英文，便直接認定我的英文能力還不夠，我真的不曉得他的標準何在，也許他們要的就是留學回國的，不希望用本土學士，或者審核履歷表的人跟面試官是不同一個人，還是見到本人不夠都會化的外表，便以貌取人，真不知原因何在
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        我常遇到的問題是「拜託，你國語都講不好了，怎麼可能會講英文呢?」

我的英文，大概是無師自通的關係，講得的確是半調子，不過這跟我國語講得好不好，其實一點關係也沒有，或者說講得好的標準有誰來界定，有誰可以告訴我這個觀念的理論依據在那?，更讓我無奈的是，很多人都有這個觀念，如果用第二語言講得不好， 第三語言也一定講得不好的邏輯來看，那我也可以說向馬英九，宋楚瑜，宗才怡等人說:「拜託，你們台語都講不好了，怎麼可能會講英文呢?」

奇怪的是講英文，會就會，不會就不會，真的沒那麼了不起，可是為什麼要牽扯到會不會講國語呢，那香港人跟新加坡人英文也應該不怎麼樣囉，這跟城市沙文主義似合符節，先認定你是個鄉土氣息很濃的人，再認定說英文是都會化的表現，所以你應該不會講英文，或者講英文一定好笑。到目前隱隱約約潛意識?還是覺得無奈。
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        不曉得你有沒有常常聽到類似像這樣的表達方式，:
“我目前在做sales，公司給我的pay 還好，但是他們要我handle很多的事情，除了offer給他們quotation，等著他們的order，還要常常做presentation，demo 我們的product 給客戶看，跟他們meeting，有時候是一個group，有時候是one by one(* 我要再度憤慨的表示，one by one是一個接一個，而不是一個對一個)，有時懶得去run，所以cancel掉很多的case (很多人把cancel， 念成cancer)其實，有時候很討厭去跟客戶social (奇怪明明是形容詞，怎麼變成動詞了)，但是到目前我己經run了N個case了(大部份人會把N念成”恩”，包括很多的英文老師)我不得不這樣做，因為我常常要report給我老闆，否則我會被fire”。